Extra content for readers of What She Told Me

You do not have to be a doctor to start understanding your own mind. You do not have to know every diagnosis or memorize every textbook. What you do need is curiosity, honesty, and a simple way to scan your life from more than one angle.

The New Medical Model looks at you through five lenses: biological, psychological, social, cultural, and spiritual. You can use those same five lenses at home. This is a guided self-checkup — not a replacement for professional care, but a way to see patterns, make better decisions, and know when it is time to ask for help.

1. Step 1 — Start with one problem

   Pick one thing that is bothering you right now: “I feel anxious all the time.” “I cannot stop overthinking at night.” “I keep saying yes when I want to say no.” “I feel empty, even when life looks fine on paper.” Write it in one sentence. That is your starting point.

2. Step 2 — Look through the five lenses

   For that one problem, ask what is happening in your body, your thoughts, your relationships, your culture, and your sense of meaning.

3. Step 3 — Name the three Ps

   Predisposing: what has set me up for this? Precipitating: what recently triggered or worsened it? Perpetuating: what is keeping it going? One item in each category gives you a mini map — not the whole story, but more than “I am just broken.”

4. Step 4 — Choose one small experiment

   When people see how many factors are involved, they try to fix everything at once. That almost always fails. Pick one or two small experiments from different lenses, small enough to actually do this week.

5. Step 5 — Know when DIY is not enough

   Reach out for professional help if you notice thoughts of self-harm, hallucinations or strong paranoia, panic or depression that makes it hard to work or care for yourself, or sudden changes in sleep, appetite, energy, or personality that scare you or the people who love you.

When you look across all five lenses, you stop asking “What is wrong with me?” and start asking “What is my whole self trying to tell me?” That question is where real healing begins.

1. Biological — your body: brain, sleep, energy, hormones, medical conditions, medications, and substances.

• Am I sleeping enough, and at roughly the same time each night?
• How is my eating, movement, and physical health?
• Have there been changes in medications, hormones, or substance use?

2. Psychological — your thoughts and feelings: your inner story, your beliefs, your habits of thinking.

• What am I telling myself about this problem?
• Do I jump to worst-case scenarios?
• Do I speak to myself the way I would speak to a friend?

3. Social — your relationships: family, friends, partners, coworkers, classmates.

• Who makes me feel calmer and more myself?
• Who leaves me drained, anxious, or on edge?
• Am I isolating when I actually need support?

4. Cultural — the world around you: gender roles, religion, politics, race, money, and expectations about success, beauty, and “a good life.”

• What messages did I grow up with about what I “should” be?
• Which of those messages still fit, and which ones hurt me now?
• Where do I feel like I have to perform instead of being myself?

5. Spiritual — your meaning: purpose, conscience, values, and what gives your life direction.

• What makes my life feel meaningful right now?
• When do I feel most like my real self?
• Have I drifted away from practices that once grounded me?

Step 1 — Predisposing: what part of the past set this up? Low iron or thyroid issues, painful periods, poor sleep hygiene, chronic depletion (biological). Perfectionism, black-and-white thinking, people-pleasing, old shame scripts (psychological). Growing up walking on eggshells, confusing kindness with compliance (social). “Be nice, never need help, beauty first, ambition last” (cultural). No clear values, no anchoring ritual (spiritual).

Step 2 — Precipitating: what triggered this now? An all-nighter or skipped meals (biological). A comment, a grade, a rejection (psychological). Conflict, demand, guilt trip, jealousy (social). Family pressure, community expectations, comments about your role (cultural). Loss, disappointment, transition, comparison (spiritual).

Step 3 — Perpetuating: what is keeping this going right now? Living on sugar and caffeine, scrolling past midnight, never moving your body (biological). Rumination, self-attack, future-tripping (psychological). Vague boundaries, apologizing for needs, silent resentment (social). Living by a rule you never chose (cultural). Abandoning practices that give your life meaning (spiritual).

Step 4 — Choose the lever. You are not fixing everything. You are choosing one clear point of change: one perpetuating habit to stop, one constructive action to start.

• Biological — no biology, no life: a fixed sleep window for seven days; protein and fiber each meal; ten to twenty minutes of movement daily; track cycle patterns. Ask: “Am I dysregulated, or just depleted?”
• Psychological — name it, tame it, train it: label the feeling, test the thought (data vs. drama), edit the story, act for ten minutes. Motion changes emotion. Stop rehearsing worst-case scripts.
• Social — people can heal you or bleed you: one boundary (“That doesn’t work for me”), one clear request, one repair. Stop over-explaining your no.
• Cultural — the rules you inherited: name the rule, test it (true? good? beautiful?), replace it with a chosen belief. Stop living by rules you didn’t choose.
• Spiritual — your why, your way: what matters this week? Who am I becoming? What am I building today? Keep a ten-minute daily ritual. Stop delaying meaning until life settles down.

Stop one habit. Start one action. One clear step. That’s how change begins.

1. Day 1 — Sleep

   Phone on the other side of the room. Aim for seven to eight hours.

2. Day 2 — Hydration

   One full glass of water first thing in the morning.

3. Day 3 — Food

   Eat every three to four hours. Include protein, fat, carbs, and vegetables.

4. Day 4 — Movement

   Ten to twenty minutes walking outside daily. No step goals — just movement.

5. Day 5 — Cycle tracking

   Note your emotional energy levels each day.

6. Day 6 — Stimulant honesty

   Notice how caffeine affects your stress.

7. Day 7 — Digital boundaries

   No phone during meals or right before bed.

Your body will respond faster than you think.

Instead, say: “Let me get back to you.” Pause. Then check the compass.

• Is it TRUE? Do I actually want this?
• Is it GOOD? Will it harm me later?
• Is it BEAUTIFUL? Will I feel peace after saying yes?

If the answer is no, then your answer is no. You don’t owe a paragraph. You don’t owe a justification.

“That doesn’t work for me.” That is enough.

1. 1

   Ask: “What am I living for right now?” Write the first thing that comes to mind — no censoring.

2. 2

   Ask: “Does this give me life or drain me?” Circle the answer.

3. 3

   Ask: “What would it look like to move ten percent closer to what gives me life?” Write one action. Do it this week.

4. 4

   Ask: “What small ritual can remind me of meaning every day?” Create one. Keep it simple. Repeat it.

This is how you build spiritual strength — one choice, one practice, one honest answer at a time.

• What kind of woman am I becoming?
• Who benefits from my growth?
• What truths do I want to embody for others?
• Where do I still need to integrate?
• What do I want people to feel when they’re around me?

Then write one sentence that sums up your personal mission as of today. For example: “I bring peace into chaotic spaces by being calm, direct, and kind.” Read it out loud. If it feels true, good, and beautiful, keep it. If not, refine it.

You’re not just writing a goal. You’re shaping a legacy.